Let's rewind a bit. 2000 the okes were all worried because you kept disappearing and we hardly ever saw you so I took it upon myself to find out how you had been spending your afternoons. Being the person you are, you didn't tell me, you showed me. Turned out that you had been going to the library to read books. So I was like "hey let me see what it is you love about these books". We started reading "the Adventures of Asterix". That is when I fell in love with reading and comics. Over the years I have read a lot of books and I seriously doubt I would have if it wasn't for you. Since your death I haven't finished a single book. I just can't bring myself to finish it. I guess my mind has had a mental block when it comes to books and my studies since then.
Let's go back to 2010. In April I left UCT halfway through a Chemistry and Physiology degree. Exactly a week after that I found out that my aunt had passed away. The following week I was in Queenstown for the funeral. I told you about everything that been going and you lit up a jay and said "kuzolonga X bhoza yam".
Fast forward to the 9th Of September that year. When the news of your death reached me I couldn't believe it. Felt like God was just toying with me. Why was it all happening that year? Why did you, someone that was like a brother to me pass away?
The day before your funeral me and Zolani were drinking and sharing stories about you and all that did was just make us both really sad. We drank so much that night and I got home around 3. At 6 I was up tryna nurse a hangover and coming to terms with the fact that we were laying you to rest that day. As I get to your house your aunt tells me i have to speak at your funeral. Now you know how I am with speaking in public. When I saw you lying in that coffin my heart sank. Man I didn't know how to deal with that. I just couldn't believe it. Moms comes up up to me and says "kuzolunga mntanam".
I listened to people speak about you and it was great knowing that you had touched so many people just by being yourself. My name came up and I had to tell all these people what you meant to us as your friends. I was shaking and stuttering like you used to do. My last words were "ngendi ngenguye lomntu ndinguye ukuba uAnga wayengekho (I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for Anga)" and I meant every single word.
Fast forward to this year. Shit really hit the fan so I ran home. When I got home all I wanted was to see my mom, Zolani, Zanele, Lakhe and you. Have a jay and have a few drinks with you and the okes. This made me realise that I never dealt with your death. You know I have never been able to deal with these things. I drink way more than I used to and I smoke now. The drinking sometimes doesn't help and I fight with people. I know you wouldn't be proud because the only thing you endorsed was the jay. 2 months ago while I was getting robbed with my mates In Bishop Lavis, a part of me just wanted those okes to just shoot me then something made me snap out of that thought.
If its true what they say about people watching over us then your probably knew every single word I would write.It's been 3 years buddy. I need to let go but I will never forget the role you played in my life. You were always like a big bro even though I was born 26 days before you.
RIP to the greatest stoner to ever live.
RIP Anga "Ta Brainz weziway" Kese
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