Clenched Soul by Pablo Neruda

We have lost even this twilight.


No one saw us this evening hand in hand


while the blue night dropped on the world.


I have seen from my window


the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.


Sometimes a piece of sun


burned like a coin in my hand.


I remembered you with my soul clenched


in that sadness of mine that you know.


Where were you then?


Who else was there?


Saying what?


Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly


when I am sad and feel you are far away?


The book fell that always closed at twilight


and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.


Always, always you recede through the evenings


toward the twilight erasing statues.

New Flames

New Flames are exciting aren't they?  You meet someone awesome and you're hooked. Everything is amazing and you thinking of just keeping this one around. You see nothing wrong with this new flame. Even the little "flaws" seem adorable.


Question: How many times have you felt like that about a new flame and then realised that it won't work? Once? That's good. More than once? Well eish... I've been there.

See the problem in most cases is that we hide so much of ourselves in the first few months because we don't wanna scare people off. We don't wanna fart around someone new because it's weird. We do so much just trying to impress this new person that we even forget to be ourselves at times. All of this just to impress this new person.

How long can you really keep that up? Couple of months at best. Truth is the new flame probably won't like your farts 3 months down the line anyway. Anything that they find irritating 5 months down the line, they'll find them irritating even after day 5. That's why the 'you've changed arguments' come up down the line. No one changed, just that no one was being real to begin with.

I'm done with society's rules on how relationships should go. Anyone worth having around will appreciate everything about you a month in. I'm done with new flames that can easily be put out. I'm tryna spark a flame as magnificent as a strip magnesium burning in the presence of oxygen.

Funny enough,  water can't extinguish this type of flame. ;)

Free

They say it's both a curse and blessing to feel everything deeply. I have found this to be completely true. When you feel everything deeply, you hurt more than the average person and love more than the average person. Society views this as a weakness but I completely disagree.

When you are this person you enjoy life's simple pleasures quite easily. Things like watching the sunset/sunrise at Signal Hill can easily brighten your day. You find walks on the beach quite calming. You find beauty in the animals at the aquarium. I am this type of person. I allow myself to feel everything deeply because the alternative seems quite boring.

"I wish I was a kid because kids don't have anything to worry about". I realised that the reason that most of us stress too much is because we don't do some of the things we really love doing. We are either too old, too broke or too busy. I know a lot of people that stopped doing things they love because of these reasons. Instead of doing things we love we get stuck in ruts. I have been there and I don't want to go back, that's why I allow myself to feel everything deeply. Kids have it easy because they enjoy the most trivial things. Why can't we just do the same? The happiest people in the world are the ones that do things they love. That kid on your campus that walks around with no shoes
just because he can might seem a little weird( Okay some are weird) but he/she is doing something that he/she wants. This person really doesn't care whether you stare or not. He/she is most likely doing what feels right to them.

What I am getting at is that we worry too much about things we have absolutely no control over. Love freely and deeply without fear of getting hurt. Fear stops things before they happen. Don't worry about society's rules because most of them are ridiculous. Run your own race. Do what you love becuase this will most likely bring you joy. Break that rut and shake things up a bit.

It's never too late.

I See You

I just thought I'd let you know that I see you. I see who you are when no one is looking. Who you are when you're alone with your thoughts. I know how scary they are. I know how scared you are. I know how alone you feel even when surrounded by a lot of people.

I see how they applaud your brilliance and all you're worried about is making everyone happy. Making everyone like you. I see how you put everyone ahead of you even when you should come 1st. How you're not scared of letting go of someone even though it kills you all because you know you aren't what that person needs.

I see how beautiful your soul is when all you see is darkness. I've managed to even know when you really smile and when you fake it because you don't want people to see your sorrow. I see how beautiful that smile is. I see how incredible that mind is. I see how pure that heart is. You hide what makes you different instead of embracing it, just so you'd fit in, just so you can be like everyone else.


I see you losing sight of your goals as the days go by. I see your suffering. I see how you want to share all of these things but you never want to dampen anyone's mood. I see how you've created all these walls so that no one can ever breach them.

I see beauty in you that I've never seen in anyone else before. I just wish you'd open your eyes and see it too.

Sonnet XVII - Pablo Neruda

Sonnet XVII I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. Pablo Neruda

Life, Love & Math

Sometimes I wish I lived in a world where mathematics was the universal language. Life would most definitely make more sense to me. Love would make more sense and I think I would have it so much easier in this world. Every single problem would have a soultion that can be easily found by calculations.

Rules would be so easy to understand and codes would be so easier to crack. I know this might not make sense but I already know how this world would be like.

In this world people would walk around with square root signs on top of their heads, kinda like halos. These signs would only disappear once the two that are meant to be together find each other. That way no one would waist time with someone that is not meant to be there forever and end up broken when they meet the person they are meant to be with.

In this world my factorial of zero ( my 1/the 1) would understand that I am a human with flaws like any other and still accept me for who I am because that is who she fell (will fall) in love with. Then I can be the man she needs and be her factorial of 1 (also 1). Then we would simply form a union by simple addition or come together to form the factorial of 2 ( =2). Once that is done we would be on a straight line leading to infinity like y=mx+c.

In this world conflict would be solved by finding solutions to mathematical problems. Surely that way there would be less drama in the world.

Life would really be easy if the key to life was easily found in a differential.

A brother can only dream.

The Square Root of Three by David Feinberg

 

I fear that I will always be,
A lonely number like root three,
The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine,
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
With just some quick arithmetic
I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three,
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
And form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds,
And with the wave of magic wands,
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed